Arsenal 0-2 Chelsea Match Report: Meah

A short-lived Capital Cup run this year then. While this competition is clearly the least important of our priorities, Arsène showed he was in it to win it by fielding such a strong line-up. Cazorla and Rosicky got some much-needed game time and Jack Wilshere was given a chance to play himself into some form. The absence of an experienced 4th choice centre-back meant Koscielny started alongside the out of favour skipper but the surprise inclusion was Wales' best footballer, Aaron Ramsey.  While many expected him to be rested, his engine is mighty impressive and I'm pretty sure he could run all week without so much as a two-minute breather.

The game was an even one and I felt the score line flattered Chelsea. One man/brain-dead, bald ignoramus disagreed:

"Chelsea's depth is much superior to Arsenal's...A Chelsea reserve team have wiped the floor with Arsenal, they haven't shown anything.  Chelsea have been so superior to Arsenal tonight its almost been slightly embarrassing in how easily they have won." - Uncle Fester

There is a difference between not having squad-depth and managing to go top of the league with an injury list longer than a Marouane Chamakh goal-drought.  Why do Sky and other TV and Radio broadcasters feel they need to overpay so many ex-players and managers to share their insider knowledge on the game, when so few of them have anything remotely insightful to say? Get some journos on, that's what I say.

Unfortunately, the game hinged on a poor defensive error from Carl Jenkinson.  The young full-back did his best Nastasic impression and attempted to head a ball back to Fabianski, got it horribly wrong and his opposite number snuck in to slip the ball in off the post.  This is not the first time Carl has made this kind of mistake - he was guilty of a similar, less costly error earlier in the game and several times in pre-season.  It seems to me that these kind of errors can be avoided with work on the training ground and a few wise words from Steve Bould and the experienced defenders - something along the lines of "for fuck's sake don't do that again" maybe.

Had we not given away that goal, the game could have been quite different but Chelsea teams under Mourinho don't tend to give away leads.  They wrapped up the win with a right-footed thunderbastard from Juan Mata.

Although we came fairly close a few times through Cazorla, Ramsey and Monreal, we didn't really create much in the way of clear-cut chances and it was a frustrating evening. Arsenal fans of course vented their frustration almost exclusively at Nicklas Bendtner which was pretty tedious if you ask me.  Myiachi struggled to get into the game and even Park couldn't turn things round for us after his late introduction - nor could Ozil or Giroud.

It's hard to glean positives from such a disappointing result but I'll try - several players short on match-practise will be a little sharper for the experience, Santi did this and although I would have loved us to win the Capital One Cup, our injury list means that perhaps the extra games would have been a hindrance to our League and Champions League form.

I don't think that Ray 'stay on your feet' Wilkins' words should be taken too seriously (today or ever) and the real challenges lie ahead.  If we can beat Liverpool on Saturday then we will forget all about what happened last night.

Man of the match : Nacho Monreal

Golden Gunners: Tomas Rosicky - The Little Mozart

The second in our Golden Gunners series features a current player, our floppy-haired number 7, Tomas Rosicky.  My huge thanks go to Chris Light for his excellent guest contribution.  You can give him a follow here @Chrisml86.

Let me get one thing straight before we begin; Tomas Rosicky isn’t the best player Arsenal have ever had. He’s not the best midfielder we’ve ever had. To be honest, he’s probably not even in the top three Number 7’s to grace the club. It doesn’t matter though. He is by far and away my favourite player we’ve ever had. The only player that comes close is Edu. Mainly because I loved the way every single free kick he ever scored was via the back of an opponent’s head or Petit’s arse – honestly, check his stats, I’m not making this up (don’t bother - I made this up). Let’s address the obvious first; he’s made from Papier Mâché. This may have been OK if he had forged a career in Spain or Italy, but in Blighty it rains a lot. It rains kicks, tugs, hacks, late slide tackles, elbows to the abdomen and scissor tackles. He has spent a large majority of the last 2/3 seasons on the sidelines, but I don’t think many supporters could honestly tell you what injuries he’s suffered from. It’s been a series of never-ending niggles, bumps and strains. Some people use this against our moon faced hero, but they’re wrong. Tomas is just biding his time. He’s like that Nanny from that Nanny McPhee film. I forget what her name was. She was dog rough though, I remember that much. Anyway, my point was that he only appears when he is needed most. When the goin’ gets tough, Rozza gets goin’. Sagna got the plaudits for his game changing header against sp*rs, but it was Rosicky’s near post flick and open mouthed squatting celebration that really drove the team to victory. And even then, he didn’t want to score that goal. He’s better than a goal scorer, you see. He has put his name against one move and made it his own; the pre-assist. The man is king of the pre-assist. A term that didn’t really even exist 10 years ago, it’s crept into the vernacular of the average fan of the last few seasons as the need to analyse every facet of a player’s contribution to a performance has grown. His contribution to the run at the end of last season was huge. He injected drive and pace into the midfield. A rare player who chooses the pace others play at. If he wants a quick break, you best start running. The Little Mozart’s most important attribute to Arsenal is that he allows others to get into positions where they can genuinely affect the game. It’s not normally even an assist, it’s often receiving the ball just inside his own half, back to the opposition goal and then he spins. By God can he spin. The bloke has a short sprint acceleration that would embarrass players ten years younger than him. Once he’s skipped past the token Neanderthal hatchet man or the puffing utility player assigned to huff around the halfway line, he can then do what every greedy winger spends all their time screaming and gesticulating for; he releases them. A quick stab of the ball with the outside of the boot and the Czech Republic’s international captain has played them in. Cheers a lot, Rozza. The nature of his style of play is that it isn’t really backed up by bite size newspaper stats and lazy MOTD quips, put together by an underpaid and disinterested intern for a miserable and unimaginative Scotsman, pedalling the same half a dozen lines he has been for 20 odd years. Honestly, my Saturday evenings are have been like a fucking Groundhog day where all that’s changed has the kits have got tighter and I now sip a beer instead of an Ovaltine. Ovaltine’s amazing, by the way. I used to eat the powder instead of making a drink from it when I was kid, I recommend you try it. The other reason he deserves our love is the way he carries himself. He’s not overly comfortable with being in the limelight and despite the figurehead of the Czech international team for a number of years, he doesn’t pile out of clubs at 3am, run along the roof cars in Sunderland town Centre or get involved in too many spit roasts (haven’t seen one of them in the papers in a while, is that not fashionable anymore?). Super Tom’s quiet presence belies his luck with the ladies though. Unlike most Englishmen, he knows you can catch more flies with honey then vinegar (apologies for this crude analogy) and he uses his skills as a mind bending axeman to devastating effect. Check out what he did at the Czech player of the year awards. Can you imagine Steven Gerrard serenading Gareth Bale at the PFA awards? Although, given that he lamped a DJ on a night out for not playing his song, maybe he really is passionate about music? Revel in his understated talents. He may not be glamorous, he may not be cool, he won’t light up the red tops every week and Nike’ll never pick him as a front man. None of this matters though. He has amazing hair, uses the outside of his boot and listens to Metallica. It’s telling that he is so well liked by his teammates and colleagues. He’s clearly an influential role model at the club, with a lot of younger players openly stating their desire to emulate his style of playing the game. Swimming amongst a sea of money grabbing bottom feeders and parasitic fuckwits operating with little more thought going through their heads than to smash the ball in the net or nail the nearest tango’d hangaround slag, Tomas is a glorious salmon dancing his way upstream. He’s just a nice guy, yeah? And here is a sentence you should never have to read in an Arsenal blog post; I shall leave with the wise words of the sp*rs manager…

Crystal Palace 0 - 2 Arsenal Match report: Return of Chamakh

Well that wasn't the stress-free walk in the park I had envisioned.  I was hoping for a comfortable win full of beautiful, free-flowing football and dozens of Arsenal goals against a very weak Palace side but it wasn't to be as we rather ground out a 2-0 win.  The sending off of Arteta in the 65th minute when we were one goal up made for an uncomfortable finish but we did take all three points in a game where we really couldn't afford to drop any.

Palace look a Championship side and unfortunately it felt like I was watching a Championship game.  This wasn't helped by the pitch -  it's a wonder the players could even see each other over that long, dry grass, let alone play the ball across it with any zip resulting in countless under-hit passes, in the first half especially.

The first half was more or less devoid of incident and entertainment.  We dominated proceeding early on without creating clear-cut chances but suffered a blow inside the first ten minutes as Mathieu Flamini was subbed of for Serge Gnabry after injuring his groin.  Hopefully it is not too serious as he has been instrumental in our team's success so far this season and was notably not involved in either of our defeats.

Gnabry's performance was a mixed bag - he was sloppy at times but looked very dangerous at others.  He looks raw - he is obviously extremely talented and he has a very good chance of making the grade at Arsenal.  Hopefully, he will make another positive impact on Tuesday night in the Carling Cup.  Serge created the break-through after the interval by winning a penalty after beating his man in the box and being brought down by a rash challenge.  Arteta's penalty was excellent, stuck powerfully into the side of the net.

Arsène said after the game that if Arteta's ban wasn't just ruling him out of a Carling Cup game he would have appealed the decision, however I can't say I have any complaints.  Once Chamakh had knocked the ball towards goal and there was a coming together I fully expected the captain to see red as he was the last man.  Unfortunately I don't think there is a rule that allows refs to take into account whether the player running through on goal is a shambolic footballer whose finishing is almost as bad as his hair so I think Arteta (whose hair looks even better when compared to Chamakh's) had to go.

From then on, it was squeeky-bum time.  Giroud looked increasingly isolated and a little fatigued and Palace came very close to scoring.  In fact, if it wasn't for two super-saves from our in-form goalie, Wojciech Szczesny, we could have been looking at a very embarrassing and morale-damaging draw or even loss.  The first was tipped onto the bar and over and the second was exceptional as he got a very strong hand onto a powerful Jedinak volley from the resulting corner.

As time was running out for Palace, they understandably threw more players forward in search of an equaliser which left them pretty open at the back.  We managed to punish the home team in the 87th minute when our counter-attack found Ramsey in the box.  He cut back and produced an excellent chipped cross for Giroud to nod home.  Olivier looked delighted after what was a tough afternoon for him and I'm sure he enjoyed his goal after missing two headed chances (both from excellent Sagna crosses) earlier in the game.  The goal demonstrated how fit Ramsey is - he just keeps going to the final whistle and even then you get the impression there is more in the tank.  It also demonstrated how clinical he has become and how much his decision making has improved.

All in all, it was the result we wanted but maybe not the performance we had expected.  We were indebted to our goalie and should be hopeful going into some very tricky and important games over the next two weeks.

Man of the Match: Wojciech Szczesny

Olivier Giroud vs Marouane Chamakh Infographic

As we will be playing against our old friend, Marouanne Chamakh on Saturday I thought it would be interesting to do a statistical comparison between him and Olivier Giroud and you may be suprised to learn that Marouanne Chamakh has scored with an incredible 100% of his shots this season.  Unfortunately for Marouanne and Palace, he has only taken one shot in his first 8 games...

On a serious note though, Olivier Giroud has been outstanding.  This time last year he had just one goal and one assist but he has grown into an extremely important player for us.  This summer we were of course chasing Suarez and Higuain but Giroud appeared unphased and has proven himself more than capable of leading the line for the club.  His link up play has been terrific, never more so than for his part in Jack Wilshere's extaordinary goal against Norwich.  He has forged a terrific understanding with him team mates and could be instrumental in our push for silverwear.

Arsenal 1 - 2 Borussia Dortmund Match Report

Our first guest contributor on The Gun Show is my good friend Louis. I had to sit this one out after failing to get out of working last night and managed to arrive in the pub just in time for the final whistle - In the parlance of our times, #FML. Over to you Louis: 

Hello Gooners! This is my first report for the Gun Show… sadly not a happy one.

Last night wasn’t great. I went into this game being pretty smug as we sit top of the Premier League and honestly thought we have the skill and pace to beat Borussia Dortmund - I was wrong.

There was real buzz and sense of optimism around N5 as all the fans converged in local pubs and towards the stadium hopeful of a great night of European football between two of Europe's most exciting teams. The first thing I noticed was the terrific noise coming from the away stand. Dortmund fans were jumping and singing loudly - I also noticed that every song they sang was basically a rip off of English football chants from the 90’s. Just saying.

We started pretty shakily - we looked nervous and Jurgen Klopp looked like a tramp in a suit (I’m not bitter). He was serving the second of a two match touchline ban, sat up in the rafters eating prawn sandwiches. The midfield was missing a key figure, Mathieu Flamini, who was ruled out with concussion after going tête-à-tête with Tettey on the weekend. He’s proven to be a key signing for us this year.

16 minutes in, our strong defence, doing their job correctly scuffle for the ball and Ramsey made a classic mistake of over-playing on the edge of his own box. He was tackled and Dortmund pounced to take the lead. A moment of overconfidence from the best Welsh footballer on the planet.

A few minutes later Giroud made an exceptional run down the right wing, barging off a strong challenge from one defender and striding forward only to be completely taken out by Mats Hummels right on the edge of the box. Wilshere then landed awkwardly in the Dortmund box and stayed down for a good 5 minutes… why Wenger kept him on is beyond me.

As the half wore on we began to see some real fight from our boys - we were attacking hard and 40 minutes into the game we got our reward as Sagna (who wasn’t having a great game thus far) crossed a superb ball into the danger zone. Our big French striker Olivier Giroud frightened the Dortmund goalkeeper, the ball bounced high and Giroud struck a close range volley into an empty goal. There was fist pumping at the Clock end as the Emirates erupted in celebration, shutting those noisy Dortmund fans up in the process.

We started the second half looking stronger. With the perk of Dortmund manager Klopp, being unable to address his team in the dressing room in the half-time break, this game was ours to win.

There was a moment of controversy as Lewandowski elbowed Koscileny fully in the face conceding a free kick, the referee ran over shaking his head but only issues a yellow card. Maybe this referee needs to consult his rule book , as a deliberate elbow to the face is a sending off offence.

Nearing 70 minutes, Santi struck an unbelievable ball that beats the keeper but sadly caught the corner of the crossbar. We started to hound Dortmund relentlessly and looked the more likely to find a winner but when you have everyone forward, it leaves big gaping holes at the back and Dortmund are as good as any team on the counter attack.

Kevin Grosskreutz's cross found Lewandowski, with Sagna miles behind play for a perfect sidefoot finish that Wojciech Szczęsny could never stop. With just eight minutes left, Dortmund held up the ball at every opportunity and a frustrated Mesut Ozil picked up his first yellow card as a Gunner.

Not what poor old Arsène expected on his birthday, but as he said "We put ourselves on the back foot with the first goal and were naive for the second... We can only look at ourselves as not being mature enough in those situations. If you can't win the game, don't lose it."

It’s not all doom and gloom for us Gooners though as we go into our next match against Crystal Palace, which should be a walk in the park. I’m not worried about the Champions League, as we remain joint top of our group, albeit with some very tough away games at Dortmund and in Naples to come. Lessons were hopefully, learnt.

Man of the Match: Tomas Rosicky

Arsenal 4 - 1 Norwich City Match Report: That was fun!

I don't know about you but I woke up feeling pretty content this morning; probably because Arsenal spoilt me rotten yesterday.  Those lucky enough to be in the Emirates Stadium last night were treated to some absolutely glorious football.  Arsenal fans were left revelling in the beauty of the goals, unleashing an unbearable twitter storm of smugness that no doubt left our rival fans as angry as this guy.

Arsenal fans finally had a chance to see Santi Cazorla and Mesut Özil on the pitch together as Aaron Ramsey started on the bench after playing two full international games.  Santi understandably isn't quite at his outstanding best yet but the signs are good and Arsène is now starting to have some really tough selection choices.

The first goal, scored by an impressive Jack Wilshere, was outrageous - first time, intricate, improvised passing and movement at its best leaving Norwich players stunned and helpless.

"A mixture of technical quality, speedy thinking, quick reaction and as well being calm in front of goal.  It had nearly everything you want to have, combined speed and calm and relaxed attitude.  It was a great goal." - Arsène Wenger

One negative to the game was an injury to Matthieu Flamini - after a nasty clash of heads a rather groggy, double-visioned Matthieu was withdrawn for Ramsey at 1-0 for his own safety.  On the bright side, he would then have seen six more Arsenal goals instead of three...

After Flamini's departure we lost a bit of a grip on the game and Norwich came back into it and actually our second was a little against the run of play.  Olivier Giroud picked up his second excellent assist of the game with a terrific dinked cross onto the head of Mesut Özil.  His header was top-drawer, especially when you consider it was the first headed goal of his career.

A well taken Norwich goal from Jonny Howson after an unconvincing Mertesacker clearance gave us a slightly edgy finish but a now customary moment of Aaron Ramsey brilliance put the result beyond doubt.  It was his 9th Arsenal goal of the season and probably the best.  He was exceptional after the break and clearly enjoyed playing in the centre of midfield again.

Our fourth was another excellent team goal - substitute Tomas Rosicky picked out Aaron Ramsey at the back post who pulled back to put the ball on a plate for Mesut Özil, who gratefully gobbled up his second of the game.  It must be nice for Mesut to be receiving such excellent assists rather than giving them - I'm sure he didn't get that level of service at Real Madrid!

Arsène has some tricky decisions to make going into the Dortmund game.  Our last Champions League home game was of course the terrific win over Napoli which was built on a very solid foundation provided by Flamini and Arteta but Wenger must be tempted to bring Aaron Ramsey into the centre of midfield where he has been his most effective.  The Flamini head injury might make that decision for him but picking between Wilshere, Cazorla and Rosicky isn't an easy decision either although I would guess he will plump for Wilshere given his performance yesterday.  It's nice to have these decisions to make as all three substitutes yesterday played well (yes, Bendtner was very good!) and players of the calibre of Vermaelen and Monreal can't get a game at the moment.  When the Ox, Theo and Lukas 'thumbs up' Podolski are back we really do have a formidable squad.

Match of the Day made particularly entertaining viewing as points were dropped by Liverpool and Manchester United (remember them? They used to be title-challengers? Ask your parents).  An old and bitter Scottish fella reluctantly praised Arsenal before ruling out a title-challenge.  It's his last season on Match of the Day apparently so let's make sure he goes out looking silly.

Arsenal are such a joy to watch at the moment and thankfully we only have to wait until Tuesday for the Great British Bake Off Final Dortmund game.

Man of the Match: Mesut Özil

Golden Gunners: Ray Parlour - the Romford Pele

"It's only Ray Parlour" - Tim Lovejoy

 

First up in our Golden Gunners series is a real favourite of mine - the Romford Pele, Ray Parlour.  In a recent poll, Ray was voted the 19th greatest player in the club's history (excluding current players) and in his thirteen years at the club he certainly won a lot of fans for his dynamic, passionate and hard-working displays.  He also won a lot of trophies; he was part of both double-winning teams and the 2003/4 invincibles team. He won three league titles, four FA cups, one league cup and a European Cup Winners' Cup in 466 appearance, scoring 32 goals along the way.

Ray Parlour earned himself one of the great football nicknames on the training ground; after a wonder goal, Marc Overmars dubbed him the Romford Pele and soon after dropped that gem in a press conference: "Of course we can win the league, we've got the Romford Pele!" Quite rightly, it caught on.

Parlour made his Arsenal debut as a 19 year old under George Graham who he cites as a major influence in his career but it was under Arsène Wenger that he really excelled. Finding a player of the calibre of Dennis Bergkamp training hard in the morning before the rest of the squad had arrived inspired him to work harder still. His development was no doubt further aided by Arsène Wenger's training regimes and through playing alongside some of the best players in the world.

Ray was loved by his teammates for his shenanigans off the pitch - he was central to the team morale and togetherness. In Martin Keown's last season at the club, the league was won but Keown needed a few more appearances to get his winners medal so for the last few games of the 2003/4 season Keown came on for a few minutes on the left wing to devastating effect... In the final game of the season at Highbury, two substitutes had been made and the third was of course expected to be Keown. Then Ray Parlour started warming up, pretending that Arsène had told him he was going on. The look on Keown's face was priceless until the Arsenal bench burst out laughing.

His pranks weren't always so well-received. When Glenn Hoddle, the then England manager sent Ray to see his spiritual healer, Eileen Drewery following a calf injury and she placed his hands on his shoulders he said: "short back and sides, please, Eileen.” He didn't play for England again, finishing his international career with just 10 caps, a number which definitely doesn't reflect his quality.

On the pitch he was a man for the big occasions and he had some pretty special moments, like this thunderbastard against Valencia and hat tricks against Werder Bremen and Newcastle. He also put in a man of the match display in the 1998 FA Cup Final against Newcastle with two assists. Those of you with great memories may also recall that he captained Arsenal to that incredible 5-1 win against Inter in the San Siro.

Of all the great moments that Ray Parlour produced, I think the one that sticks out the most was his glorious 25 yard curler against Chelsea in the 2002 cup final. 70 minutes into the game the deadlock was yet to be broken when Ray scored one of the greatest FA cup final goals to drive arsenal towards victory. A few days later the league was won at Old Trafford, with Parlour picking up another man of the match award, to complete a second Arsenal double in 4 years.  If Parlour had not have scored that all important first goal, we may well have lost that game but he did and it was fucking glorious.

Underestimate Ray Parlour at your peril. Just ask Tim Lovejoy...

If you would be like to share your thoughts on your favourite Gunners or any great Arsenal matches or moments then please do contact me at thomas@thegunshowblog.co.uk.